self harm.

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People never understood why we cut. they judge and could never see the reason why we keep doing it to ourself. I use to judge them as well till I became one of them then I finally understood. 

It started when I was younger, in my secondary school day. I started to cut myself. I couldn’t take the bottled up pain any more. I felt like dying. 

I cut for every time the pain became unbearable, I cut because I felt worthless and rejected, I cut because all of the fights I was dragged into, I cut because of the divorce, I cut because of the growing anger in me, I cut when she hits me and tells me she regretted taking care of me, I cut when I thought god had forsaken me,  I cut to feel alive, I cut because I hated myself, I cut because I was suffocating but mostly, I cut because I thought it was the only way out from the pain and problems. 

I was such a fool. God had never forsaken me. It was me who had forsaken him. He was always there for me, waiting for me to get on the right path again. 

But self harming can grow addictive. After the blade draws out blood from you, you feel a sense of calm and relief flowing through you. I knew i was hooked when i started making the number of lines longer. 

pity my parents, they always believe i was a nice child despite my stubbornness yet there i was in the room, cutting myself while they watched tv outside and making everyone believe i was okay. 

People eventually found out and made me stopped. I didn’t want too but some how, i woke up one morning and told myself i had to stop. I just had too and it has been a constant struggle to keep the knife away till this very day when i have been cleaned for over a year now. 

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Yes life is a bitch and it will always be a constant struggle but just put that knife down and remember, you are special in your own way and you’ll make it through, somehow. 

So please don’t start. 

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