He left

He left, what else can i say? 

i thought things were going well actually. i confessed telling him that i liked him but i didn’t want to date him. It wasn’t the time and i was going off on an adventure which i have yet to blog about ( My apologies )

He was cool with it because people were always confessing to him. Now here is the thing, i’m not even sure if’s its because of his looks or personality but sometime when we fall, we fall without any reason and i was one of them. I went on my adventure and came home 1 weeks later to find out he was already smitten by another girl. Part of me was surprised because i left for 1 weeks and you already found a replacement? 

and this sucks because for the past few months, i had already grown so attached to him. He was there through happy times, sad times and we had our tiff and all but we were still doing okay but now that he is smitten by some other girl, all he do is talk about her. At first it was okay but after a while, god please kill me. It was too much. 

And honestly i hate this because the only reason why you are talking to me is because you want to tell me about her but your over-doing it and you weren’t acting like my friend anyone. You were acting like some obsessed kid and we stopped talking because of it and because you were too busy with her anyway . 

And when finally, finally a A came by who wants to make me smile and be happy,i keep pushing him away and being the bad person because i’m afraid to get hurt again. I’m not like you. I can’t move on so easily and  when i told him with my other babes ( We have a group chat ) 

the conversation went like this 

him : i see you found my replacement. 

me : well you started first. 

him : you sure about that? 

me : you wanted this . 

and i wasn’t happy over the comment because i was over thinking and confronted him and things didn’t go so well. 

and now, i’m trying to keep myself busy so i don’t think about you. I miss my friend, i miss the guy who could talk nonsense to me and send 9gag picture over whatsapp just to share with me and we’ll keep exchanging them and laughing, the guy who would sing some love ballad making me go ” What in the world is that “

I just want you to be you and not some love struck obsessed guy. 

I want you back. 

but it’s impossible cause love got you smitten and i’m here trying to keep you off my mind.

and A, 

I am so sorry for being the bad person. I am so sorry i have been pushing you away because of my own securities, i am sorry for everything and i hate the fact that you are always so understanding and i am so blessed but please, just go. Your making me feel like a bitch, some heartless bitch. I want you to go, i want you to be happy and not hang around me till your heart can’t take any more. Please, just save your heart before it gets hurt. It’s not meant for me. It’ mean for someone who is willing to make you smile and laugh and not me, the one who keeps fighting with her demons and always pushing you away. I hate this so much sometimes. I want you to be happy but not like this. 

Please just go, 

I can barely handle my heart and i can’t bear to hurt yours. 

much love, 

xoxo

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