the truth.

there is so much truth in this one. 


rants : H and something funny

Hello ma readers, sorry for the haitus. 

My grandpa just died last week and honestly everything has been gloomy. Its painful because 6 months ago, my favourite girl passed away and now he went away. My heart is struggling so much right now. 

anyway i met this friend name H. 

He is definitely an interesting character and what i like about us is our friendship was based on mutual respect. We are total opposite like

He loves soccer more than life and you would never catch me watching soccer unless i am forced too. 

He hates horror and i am a horror freak! 

He does not like animals because it is troublesome but i love animals

and in all that we disagree, we found respect and that is amazing. 

but now, i feel sad for him. He has been facing some problems and i feel sad because he won’t tell people about it and prefers to be a ticking time bomb. As much as i want to be the trigger that makes him explode and make him feel better, I can’t. 

we stopped talking as well and i feel sad because he was one of the person who i found so interesting and he stands out and his smile is adorable! 

H, i wanna see you smile and if i was given the chance to blow you up and make all the sadness go away. I would. I honestly don’t care if you end up screaming or hating me but as long as you feel better and stop being a ticking time bomb, i would be happy.

Anyway moving onnnn, 

something really weird and funny happen on Friday! 

I actually bumped into my judo captain. Now as you know, he is also my eyecandy and he look so cute!

anyway i was sitting in the library waiting for my friend to finish class when he came out of this meeting room (nosily i might add )  in the library and we both made eye contact. you know that moment where you both are staring at each other trying to figure out if you both really know each other until the realization hits you and you both end up looking like this 

so captain actually went “Oh shit ” and literally hide his face in his shirt! he pulled his shirt up and ended up covering part of his face and his friend ended up asking “What is wrong you both ” because i started laughing and covering my face in embarrassment. He told his friend to just quickly go off and it was so funny and weird! 

but it made him look so much more adorable! 

but when i see him again, i will have to do this 

anyway much love ma readers and thank you for hearing my rant. 


A letter to my favourite girl, catherine

Dear love, its been 6 months plus since you have been gone. 

I miss you, every single day i miss you so darn badly that my heart feels like its going to break again. its going to shatter into the very pieces that i tried to pick up. 

everyday i wondered, how did i get by all this time? How did i manage to fill the empty spot you left me with? How was i able to survive without all this time? 

Truth be told, it was never filled. My heart has a very big empty spot that you left and i could never filled it up. Everyday i get scared, i get scared I’ll forget how you’ll look like, how you sound like, how your smile always lights up your face and that made me smile, how you would comfort me and always knew when i needed you and I’ll forgot everything about you including your favourite perfume. some days i get so scared, i break down crying and ask myself what am i doing?

You know when it is especially the hardest, on Wednesday and Friday  during training. I have a friend who has the same name as you. Every single time my heart breaks when i hear her name and her laughter. Yes you guys do look different but every time i hear her name, i wish it was me calling you name and getting your smile. How she acts with her best friend is how you and i act. We insulted each other then we would hug each other so tightly and never let go. 

Remember the first time i had muay thai, i called you and we talked all night and remember how much i complained and you just kept laughing and told me 

“Hey baby, you are no wimp and I’m pretty sure you can do this. i got you and I love you so go kick their ass ” 

and because i knew you had my back and life was always good but now, now you aren’t there any more and i don’t know what I’m suppose to do. 

This sucks and i miss you baby. 

I would give anything in the world to have you back. 



Rants : sugarless

I am not into Japanese drama because sometimes it comes off as cheesy but sugarless was amazing because there was fighting and comedy and a tad bit of romance and there actually is manga based on it! perhaps i should read the manga! 

Shiiba Gaku has transferred to Kushima High School which is called ‘Windmill’ because of the windmill monument on its rooftop. His ambition is to get to the top of the school. Bad boys like Tobe, the leader of Hydra, a gang of delinquents; and Shiro, rumoured to be the strongest of the first year students, crowd the school grounds. Gaku immediately picks a fight with Syake who now reigns atop the windmill, but is cut off by students who demand that he defeat them first if he wants to take on Syake. There are those that falter at the sight of the wild look in Shiiba’s glare. However, someone lands a punch on Shiiba’s face. His nose bleeds and he goes out cold. Even the school beauty Suwa Haruka is stunned by Shiiba’s loss. On his first day, Shiiba meets first year student Marumo Taiji. Marumo is disinterested in fighting and asks Shiiba, who has been provoking but losing successive fights, if there is meaning in competing for the top. 


My version of the synopsis, 

It is basically about a new transfer student who comes into Kushima High School and openly declare he will be the top and rants about how he will defeat syake ( the current top ) and challenges anyone who wants to be top as well as well as challenging the top 3 fighter in the first year and no 2 of the school which is in their second year which is their senpai. 

now lets meet the main people of this show! 

Throughout the series, i have grown to love all of them! Each of them had a difficult past and wanted to be top because of all the wrong reason till shiiba gaku came along. He made them realize what they were missing out and changed them. He changed them for the better and honestly shiiba gaku is such a comic relief! at every fight, something will definitely screw up but what makes people admire him is his perseverance. This boy does not know when to give up and actually ends up motivation those around him to do the same. 

And I heard majority of them are actually singers from a Japanese pop group called GENERATIONS and their song was used as the opening for sugarless. I swear the song is super addictive!


 one of my most favourite senpai,  Usui Masahiro as Kiryu Yoichiro (Kirio)

This boy right here is so cheeky! he is portrayed as a playboy calling all the girls he has ” Honey”  and the 2nd strongest in the school! he is well know for his invincible left fist but refuse to challenge syake again because he was afraid. He is actually a comedy relief at some point of time because of his cocky nature and English speaking words! 

now lets meet syake , the current top of the school

Well you got to admit, he is really pretty for a guy. Anyway this is syake also know as shake in the manga. This guy is really invincible and doesn’t really play much of a role till the few ending episode where we get to see him fight. 

Anyway what i really love about this show is how they always bring up the main point which is never to give up. I am a sucker for shows that has character development like this! Since the first till the last episode, we could really see how the character grew and developed and how they end up having mutual respect for each other and how their friendship grew. 

what i dislike : The ending seems like a cliffhanger! 

So i give this show a 4/5 because i really don’t think they need the girls in it. They were more like comic relief for me and didn’t really have a special role but i would still suggest for you guys to watch it because it is amazing and i was able to finish 12 episode in a day!


My favourite boyyyy! * sequels *

my new mantra : As long as you don´t give up, you haven´t lost – shiiba gaku

anyway much love ma readers, 


Another one gone

Death is horrible. There is no pretty way to look at it but time after time we try to see the logic behind it or comfort ourselves the actual reason why they died.

We say ” oh god loved him more and wanted to end his suffering ” or ” it was his time to go ”

But there are some of us who can’t cope with the loss. Our tears wont fall, our crying makes no noise, you cant see the pain but we feel like hacking away in our heart.

We’re broken. torn into pieces on the inside and we put a mask on the outside just so that people would stop telling us ” i’m sorry for your loss ”

But also at times, we see our pain as a burden when we want to tell someone about it. We feel as though we are going to give them emotional burden and we start bottling it up. The pain becomes a constant reminder and its strangling us. All we feel is pain till everything numbs out.

Less than a year ago, my fav girl passed away and now, another one has left me.

Much love ma readers,


22 Things You Need To Do While You Have The Chance

a delightful read and some of this should be in our bucket list!

Thought Catalog

1. Go to a country whose language you do not speak, and where English is rarely spoken. Learn what it means to have to find out everything by yourself, and to live glued to your translating dictionary.

2. Sleep with your whole body stretched across the bed in your very own apartment, where no one can tell you what to do or make you be quiet so that they can sleep.

3. Take a road trip simply for the joy of being on the road and not having anywhere in particular to end up. Stop in restaurants and shops along the way that look like they belong in a Norman Rockwell painting, and eat candy that your grandparents used to love.

4. Dance with a stranger in the bar for three whole songs and then go home by yourself, without feeling like you owed them anything.

5. Read a religious…

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rants : day 3 of camp!

So last day of camp and to me, it was the best day ever! 

so we started our day with breakfast and played games!

one of my favourite judo games is basically dog & bone : judo style! 

How do you play this game?

Simple! have two team with an equal number of people, number themselves and we are good to go and don’t forget to get a bone or an object for them to run after! 

normally, the game master would call a numbers out like eg ” 12 ” and both team with the number 12 will come out and try to get the bone before the other team! If you have a very bad game master, they could call 2 – countless of number and make everyone fight for it! 

now here is the twist in judo style! 

Our bone is usually a human called nelson who would lay flat on the floor and be allowed to dragged everywhere but the best part, you can tackle the opposition team when you guys are being called out! 

it is awesome! so during our last day of camp, that was what we did and i had an even number so when my game master called all the even number out for both team, it literally looked like the world war was going on! can you imagine like 6 people from each team was trying to grab the bone and you could see everyone was getting tackled and falling over! 

and because the guys wasn’t allowed to touch the girl, they tried all means to block us even by using their butt which caused me to laughed because i found it funny! 

The cons of this game, the amount of causalities is too damn high! Everyone will come out with bruises and trust me, that part isn’t funny like i actually injured my wrist when the bone got turned over and everyone was pulling him with my hand and my friends hand caught underneath! 

Thank god he got flipped over again and our hands were free! So while we were playing, the taekwondo people who were in the room decided to join us and it suddenly seemed like an inter marital arts game which i sat out because my wrist was hurting me. 

It was obvious that judo were winning and the game master decided to mix it up and get both the taekwondo and judo people to mix! That was even worst because the amount of causalities were rising at an alarming rate! 

And you know what my captain said ” I am not surprised if the taekwondo people refuse to be our friends after this ” ah well! 

anyway much love my readers, 


rants : judo camp part 2 and claustrophobic

Hello ma readers, sorry i haven’t blogged about anything lately. Was busy with camp and finally got home on a Thursday! i was so worn out i just spend the day sleeping and i still feel tired! 

Anyway camp was FUN! After my emotions took a hit on the first day, i met my babygirl for an intern talk in school and had to missed half of the day from camp! The talk was super boring till i fell asleep 3 times and basically did not hear anything he said. We headed out for lunch and i poured out my heart to her and she admitted this was the lowest she had seen me and i basically didn’t really touch my food because i lost my appetite! After lunch, i calmed myself down before heading back to school and joined the rest for training which went well and pretty boy was so nice! found out that he has a girlfriend and they always go on trips together! so sweet right? 

anyway after training and dinner, we had night walk which i was honestly not looking forward too because i am claustrophobic and being blinded folded and lead around the school is not my thing and i told them about it and they said they would keep an eye out and i had to be blindfolded. Pretty boy helped me with that and i kept adjusting it so i would peep at the floor. 

Here is the thing with mild claustrophobic people like me! 

1) i am fine as long as i see spaces and recognize my surroundings! 

spaces at least gives us comfort and recognizing our surroundings actually put us at ease! we do not freak out as often and we can control ourselves. 

2) claustrophobic people are smart! 

If we do not freak out the minute you put the blindfold on us, its most probably because we can see the floor but we pretend we can’t see anything. 

3) Do not touch us when we are blindfolded or we will hurt you! 

when i was doing the blindfolded walk, someone behind me kept putting his hands on my shoulder and when i wanted to touch their hand, they kept avoiding my hands and kept giggling. i was this close to hitting the person. Yes, i literally wanted to kick them and i won’t probably regret it because you were annoying as hell. 

so in conclusion, i freaked out about 4 times but i held it in and made my eyes watery. As much as i wanted to freak out and drop to the floor crying, i couldn’t because of the people around me especially the guys. They were supportive like for example, when we had to walk  down the steps and i was totally against it because i couldn’t see and i couldn’t possibly judge how big the drop from one step to another and i literally didn’t want to go down but my sweet seniors actually held my hand and helped me down! 

Thank you my seniors for the help! if you guys didn’t help, i was more than happy to stay at the top of the stairs! teehee! 

okay ma readers, one thing that i would like to say is if you know someone who is claustrophobic, please do not corner them and ask them ” Am i scaring you right now? am i  freaking you out now? ” after they had revealed their hidden secret because we are uncomfortable saying it and more uncomfortable showing it. Not forgetting your an asshole if you do that and deserved to be hit. 

Another sign to look out for if your friend is claustrophobic is after whatever activity you guys did, look at their hands. They will be shaking and we are likely to hide like sitting on our hands or clenching them  unless we do not realize than that is different. 

so please be supportive of people like this. Everyone has their own weakness and this is our’s. 

anyway much love you guys! 


When you feel it

Dear readers of mine!
I hope your monday has been kind to you. Hopefully better than mine!

So yesterday was day 1 of Judo camp! My lovely couldn’t make it because she was down with fever and sore throat and i hope she has a speedy recovery because i miss her!

Anyway my monday started out unslightly because it was time of the month and i hate this. One of the downs of being a lady and it happened on my day 1 of camp. So naturally feeling uncomfortable, i didn’t want to go but one of my other friends was coming and so i just had to go and beside i was hoping this would be an escape.

It started out great even though we came late! We played games and had our dinner but the movie screening was horrible. I mean the show was great. I love the movie but it was superly not interesting when you can barely hear anything! So i gave up and wasted my battery playing with my phone.

Time check : 2.47am
And i feel like shit. To be honest, i feel like nothing is okay right now. I just wanna go home, climb into bed and hide. Maybe its because if the amount of people here or being with unknown people, i just don’t feel okay! I just feel so horrible its annoying me and its not helping i have been nice for the whole day and not bitchy during the period
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RANTS : that one friend

Let’s get straight to the point, we all have that one friend who always MIA or disappear when we need them and apparently i have one of them in my clique as well. 

I know it is unavoidable but honestly,can i just burn her to the bits and pieces? cause honestly i am done! I am so tired of all this shit. 

It goes like this, i have this friend who we are going to call N. She has a tendency to disappear during the holidays and basically me and my girls really give up on trying to ask her out on our outings because she won’t reply your sms or basically she isn’t there and i was totally fine with it until a week or two before break. we both decided to join judo together and when it came to the holiday and training was going on as usual, i thought she was going to come because god damn it, there was training! 

But apparently the girl is so busy that she has no time to come and it sucks because i am the one who always have to spam her phone reminding her, trying to call her to find out is she coming or not and i find myself annoying but here is the thing, 

judo camp is 3 days away and this girl is no where to be found! I kept trying to call her to find out if she was coming to training today because she said she WILL TRY TO MAKE IT TO FRIDAY’S TRAINING but when i tried calling her, THIS BITCH IS NO WHERE TO BE FOUND! NO SMS, CAN’T EVEN GET THROUGH HER PHONE AND SHE IS PISSING ME OFF! 


like i am so done with this! if you didn’t want to go holiday training or camp, just say and i will leave you alone! i feel like i am wasting my breathe and my sms and internet connection and my calling time trying to get through to someone who probably died in a hole and no one could find her body or her handphone. 

yes that is how pissed i am! i tried to be understanding but don’t keep me hoping only to find out you are missing and making me feeling very angry because an angry me is never good like today i am THIS CLOSE TO TEXTING YOU SOME REALLY MEAN STUFF AND TRUST ME, WHEN I SAID IT IS MEAN, IT’S VERY MEAN. 


or another option could be killing you in your sleep because one way or another, i am still murdering you for all the dashed hopes, no replies and useless phone calls. 

sorry for the outburst ma readers, 

some people can really get on your nerve faster than the rest and the worst part, they are in your clique. 

anyway much love,