what life has become,

I have literally became a burrito of sadness, just bottling things up and smiling or acting like i don’t care.

I have having 2 months of school holiday and it is reaching it’s end and i have yet to get a job  that want me and living in Singapore, everything is literally very expensive and my parents often fought about money like every other parent but now, my mother has turned on me.

She has been bitching non stop how jobless i am, how a 22 year old is unable to contribute to the family income and make life easier for her.

And while saying this, she doesn’t think how i feel, do you think i don’t feel useless, of course i do! I feel bad enough that no one wants to hire me and by having you remind me what a useless 22 year old i am, i is honestly very tiring to me.

I get how stress she is working alongside my dad to make ends meet but i am trying to help, when i buy stuff i need, i don’t ask her for money, i save them on my own and when i buy groceries, i don’t even ask her to pay back and she does not see the little things i am doing to help like keeping the house clean while everyone is working, making sure there is cooked meals when they get back, doing chores and still, she calls me lazy,

It is frustrating to me and really makes me feel very useless at this point. I mean i am trying to run my own online business but economy is bad and you have tons of competitor and she ask why can’t i be a successful as my friends,

Well probably because i have no support and my mom does not seem to understand, i am a people person, as much as i hate them, i like talking and getting to know them, knowing their stories but my mom says all that is a waste of time and resource and it brings no income.

I hate how this world revolves around money that wanting to do what you like, you have to consider the amount of income you make. It saddening and i badly want to prove her wrong but how do i?

i am literally so tired of everything right now, i feel like i am fighting a losing battle to make my mom think better of me but all i am to her is a 22 year old burden who is unable to make her own income,

like today, she said my auntie is going to treat her dinner and told me to pay for my own,

i don’t mind staying home because i have already cooked chicken soup and will be fine with just that,

Alright, time to suck up everything and pretend that everything is just peachy.

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