A letter to my favourite girl, catherine

Dear love, its been 6 months plus since you have been gone. 

I miss you, every single day i miss you so darn badly that my heart feels like its going to break again. its going to shatter into the very pieces that i tried to pick up. 

everyday i wondered, how did i get by all this time? How did i manage to fill the empty spot you left me with? How was i able to survive without all this time? 

Truth be told, it was never filled. My heart has a very big empty spot that you left and i could never filled it up. Everyday i get scared, i get scared I’ll forget how you’ll look like, how you sound like, how your smile always lights up your face and that made me smile, how you would comfort me and always knew when i needed you and I’ll forgot everything about you including your favourite perfume. some days i get so scared, i break down crying and ask myself what am i doing?

You know when it is especially the hardest, on Wednesday and Friday  during training. I have a friend who has the same name as you. Every single time my heart breaks when i hear her name and her laughter. Yes you guys do look different but every time i hear her name, i wish it was me calling you name and getting your smile. How she acts with her best friend is how you and i act. We insulted each other then we would hug each other so tightly and never let go. 

Remember the first time i had muay thai, i called you and we talked all night and remember how much i complained and you just kept laughing and told me 

“Hey baby, you are no wimp and I’m pretty sure you can do this. i got you and I love you so go kick their ass ” 

and because i knew you had my back and life was always good but now, now you aren’t there any more and i don’t know what I’m suppose to do. 

This sucks and i miss you baby. 

I would give anything in the world to have you back.