Probably page 25 of 356 by now,

When i like/ love or even care for someone, your gender never plays any role in it because i have accepted you as you are and i don’t think about anything else and this is probably why when i fall for someone, i throw gender out of the window.

No one really knew what happened to us,
A lot of people assumed and even though who thought they knew
I can say that they really don’t know.
They saw us fight but did they really knew what was going on inside of us?

I never planned to write or mention about you because it is nearly 3 years and
i know for a fact that you hated me and i believe it was my fault we became like this
I was a fool to be honest, i jumped too fast and i leave too fast
And i always wondered why, why would you even stick by someone like me.

Don’t get me wrong, i have always cared about you,
Before and after everything that happened,
Through the fights and the words we threw at each other insensitively,
I honestly cared about you and i know for a fact you do read my wordpress and
I just wanted to say, i’m sorry.

I am sorry we fucked up
But i didn’t regret leaving you, you must know that
We brought out the worst in each other, the most horrible nature we have,
We brought it out of one another
I thought this was the best way for us to break the cycle.

Remember the fight we had, that changed everything,
That made everything went downhill to the point i was insensitive and you were clingy.
looking back, i realized we both never had a chance to talk about it,
We let the assumptions rule and we began tearing each other apart.
We stopped caring and let our nails draw blood.

Looking back, it was pretty painful really.
I do regret what i have said and how i acted,
I was the reason you cheated on me and
I hated the fact you were tearing yourself apart trying to get back at me
like our fight were not enough.

When you were angry when you told me to leave and i left without looking back
i knew you were crying but i couldn’t make myself turn to comfort you
Because i realized if i went back, we will never stop trying to hurt each other
And in the end, we might try to kill each other.
I never wanted that and i am truly sorry.

Wherever you are, just know i want you to be happy
You deserved to be happy after what we have been through
You deserve to have someone who makes you smile so wide
And who will love you so right
The way i can never.

xoxo,

R.

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Page 24 of 356

it is officially the 24th of January in Singapore and it is 24 days passed new year and my new year resolution and would it be too late if i still wish everyone?

But what not, i am still going to wish everyone

HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU GUYS! MAY YOU HAVE A BLESSED 2015!

Now here is the thing, after the wishing comes the resolutions and might have been pretty much been the same or to say, i never gave much thought of it because i am a fickle minded person and yeah, you know what happens after that but i was on tumblr and i saw this,

2014 was a roller coaster for me. Internship was a bitch but i survived and i am actually pretty thankful for it because it really opened my eyes to what the medical life really was like and now that i am doing FYP, it feels like a desk bond job which i get some people really like but i’m not the kind to sit still.

After since my birthday, things really went downhill from there. I was struggling to keep up with work, life, studies, exam and pretty much everything else then my brother came back out of no where and i had to provide for him as well and it really put much stress on me because i was not earning much but family is family and i would do anything to protect them.

With that being said, i was struggling yet i managed to find joy, my new work. Working in the museum is an eyeopener, i am not kidding. I have seen art in it’s various forms and i always wondered ” What inspires them, can i ever be like them, to proudly hold my own artwork exhibition,”

I wondered a lot honestly and from there, it shaped my new year resolution.

So my NEW YEAR RESOLUTION is simple

– continue my 2014 resolution to get fit and lose weight
– To find joy’s in the little things in every aspect of my life no matter how hard life gets
– To be financially independent
– To stop jumping in head first and take a moment to breathe.
– Spend more time with the family.
– To read 19 books by the end of this year!

And what my friends want me to include,

To curse less and be a better person when playing games and to not drink coffee and get so hyper that by 7pm, i turn into grumpy cat.

On a quick side note,

They most definitely are and just keeping hanging in there!

Toodle dee!

xoxo,

R.

wedding? Career? Say whatttttt!

Hey guys, its been a long time! 

Lately over the past few days or more like ever since i turned 21, people have started asking me about my career option, what do i want to become, when was i going to get married, how many kids do i want, what kind of guy do i want to marry? 

and i am sitting there like 

First thing first,  i am 21 not 25 so asking me about marriage is a bit too early. I know that in Asian culture, by the time you turn 21, you are heading into marriage but that’s not the case for me! I don’t even have anyone to call my own so what more plan for a wedding. My mom got married when she was 21 and my grandma got married when she was 16 i think? My friend got engaged at 20 and I’m here like congrats to everyone and may you guys have a blissful marriage but i hate it when people start asking me when i want to get married because i literally have no plans to marry anyone till i am 27- 28 because i feel like now is the age for me to do what i want, to study what i want and just to enjoy my single-hood before being tied down with someone for the rest of my life. 

next thing is, i have no idea what i want to become and am exploring all my option right now so stop telling me which job pays the most because i honestly don’t care. I don’t care if you son is earning a few thousand and what not because i want a job that keeps me active, that i really like and don’t have to drag my feet to work. A job that is fulfilling to me and it makes me fill like i am making a difference. When i was young, yes, pay is important because we all wanted to live an easy life but as i grow older, money is important but having a job that you truly enjoy is much more important as i said it before, your career will be your lifestyle. Why would i want a job that pays well but makes me feel so bored, anxious and depressed. 

and lastly, 

Stop promoting me your son because i sure as hell don’t care about him and have no real interest in him. I mean, yeah he might be cute but i don’t really need a full out report about his work, his plans, his lifestyle and whatever not because relationship and marriage are the last thing on my mind and judging from what i can see, he is either gay or is already in a relationship so HUSH!

This really applies a lot to older people as majority of the wedding i go to, they will always ask when is it my turn to get married and i feel like saying ” When is it your turn to enter the grave ” because it is annoying and i mean it’s okay if you ask me once but  older people like to repeat the same question in the short span of 20 min and i really rather be stuffing my face with food and not be answering your questions. 

I shall end my post here and Good night you guys! 

Xoxo, 

R. 

RANTS : that one friend

Let’s get straight to the point, we all have that one friend who always MIA or disappear when we need them and apparently i have one of them in my clique as well. 

I know it is unavoidable but honestly,can i just burn her to the bits and pieces? cause honestly i am done! I am so tired of all this shit. 

It goes like this, i have this friend who we are going to call N. She has a tendency to disappear during the holidays and basically me and my girls really give up on trying to ask her out on our outings because she won’t reply your sms or basically she isn’t there and i was totally fine with it until a week or two before break. we both decided to join judo together and when it came to the holiday and training was going on as usual, i thought she was going to come because god damn it, there was training! 

But apparently the girl is so busy that she has no time to come and it sucks because i am the one who always have to spam her phone reminding her, trying to call her to find out is she coming or not and i find myself annoying but here is the thing, 

judo camp is 3 days away and this girl is no where to be found! I kept trying to call her to find out if she was coming to training today because she said she WILL TRY TO MAKE IT TO FRIDAY’S TRAINING but when i tried calling her, THIS BITCH IS NO WHERE TO BE FOUND! NO SMS, CAN’T EVEN GET THROUGH HER PHONE AND SHE IS PISSING ME OFF! 

image

like i am so done with this! if you didn’t want to go holiday training or camp, just say and i will leave you alone! i feel like i am wasting my breathe and my sms and internet connection and my calling time trying to get through to someone who probably died in a hole and no one could find her body or her handphone. 

yes that is how pissed i am! i tried to be understanding but don’t keep me hoping only to find out you are missing and making me feeling very angry because an angry me is never good like today i am THIS CLOSE TO TEXTING YOU SOME REALLY MEAN STUFF AND TRUST ME, WHEN I SAID IT IS MEAN, IT’S VERY MEAN. 

 

or another option could be killing you in your sleep because one way or another, i am still murdering you for all the dashed hopes, no replies and useless phone calls. 

sorry for the outburst ma readers, 

some people can really get on your nerve faster than the rest and the worst part, they are in your clique. 

anyway much love, 

xoxo

pet peeves

Hello ma dear readers! 

so today’s topic is PET PEEVES!! 

Everyone has them and this is mine. 

So let’s start off with a definition of pet peeves! 

So what is a pet peeve? for those who don’t know,  a pet peeve is a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to them, to a greater degree than others may find it. ( credits to Wikipedia )

I have a number of pet peeves and one of them is poking and guess what! my mom decided to do it to me yesterday before bed. 

The story goes like this, i was chilling in my bed 9gag-ing when i felt really sleepy and went to bed. Just as i was about to drift off to sleep, my mom decided to poke me! YES POKE ME WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO SLEEP. you see, when i am awake, i don’t mind being poked because I’ll take it as you are playing and i can let i go but however when i am about to sleep and you poke me, you have got to die. 

image

But because she is my mom, i couldn’t have turn and gave her an evil eye so i let it go and you know what she did? 

SHE KEPT POKING ME! 

OH GOD SO HELP ME! i was trying my hardest to ignore her but no, she kept going at me and i honestly just wanted to burst right there and right then but i knew if i did it, it was going to lead into a fight because here is a tip about  Asian mom’s , they can do it to you but don’t you are dare do it to them unless you have a death wish because GURLLLL,  she could whoop your ass before you can finish say ” waka flaka ” 

So i grunted in annoyance and finally, THANK GOD she stopped and i was able to get back to sleep but here is the problem, i couldn’t sleep anymore. 

image

yes to end my long story short, i couldn’t sleep for the next 2 hours and stared at the celling basically doing nothing? 

no, that’s a lie, i basically ended up over thinking and woke up feeling pretty much like burning everyone! 

anyway much love you guys!

xoxo

 

 

angry rants

WARNING, THIS IS AN ANGSTY ANGRY RANT. THERE WILL BE CURSES AND SWEAR WORDS.

NOTE ; YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY IN SUCH A LONG TIME. i TRY TO BE PATIENT BUT THIS TAKES THE TOP!

LIKE SUPER OMG,

FIRST OF ALL, i tried to help my friend who thought this guy was cute and so i went to borrow his lighter. This guy was actually nice but bitch ass friend wasn’t.

conversation went like this

me: Can you please pass the lighter back to him (Pointing at the nice guy sicne he was on the phone )

bitch ass : Just put it there ( I could feel the attitude coming off him )

me : Are you sure?

him : Yeah, put it there.

That bitch did not just gave me fcuked up attitude especially when i was being nice. like the hell is wrong with you! i was being nice and asking to give back something. Does not mean you have to being a bitch. Who the hell cares if you got looks and you look like the asian less muscular version of Taylor Lautner. if i am nice, you jolly well better be nice or at least suck it in. I work in the service industry as well and i know the pressure but does not mean you can give me attitude when i spoke nicely and even said please.

like the malay’s say ; KAU DAH WHATS WRONG.

translation : what is wrong with you!

2ND PERSON WHO DECIDED TO PISS ME OFF : MY FRIEND’S EX BOYFRIEND.

LETS CALL HIM K.

the story goes like this, they both dated and broke up after a conflict and this k apparently cheated on my friend when they were on a time out, he told everyone they broke up and went out with another girl, he then gave shit attitude to my friend and when my friend doesn’t text him or call him, he calls her a disappointment as a girlfriend when they fcuking broke up already and is an honest attention seeking bitch.Just because he ride’s in the rain and got soaking yet, he bitch at my friend calling her heartless and stuff like that.

LIKE SERIOUSLY?

MY FRIEND FELL OFF THE FCUKING LADDER AND DIDN’T EVEN COMPLAIN TO YOU AND YOU START BITCHING AT HER CAUSE YOU GOT SOAKED IN THE FCUKING RAIN WHEN YOU OWNS A FCUKING RAIN COAT.

i used my friend’s phone and write him an sms. I called him an attention seeking whore in the face and told him to grow up and i even advise him to be the better man and make an effort for her if he really wants her back because the way we see it, its on her making the effort. His response

BITCH DECIDED TO CALL.

i was like fine and picked it up. conversation went something like this

K : can you call her to the phone

me : she is crying and she does not want to talk to you.

k : do you not understand English, can you just call her to the phone.

OH THIS BITCH JUST DIDN’T.

me : Excuse me, my English is way better than yours.

k : If you are a good friend, you would pass the phone.

me : if i was, i won’t even let you talk to her.

K : *Repeats the same thing again *

me : oh sorry i’m not a good friend.

K : *  repeats the same thing *

me : oh my god! do you not understand english?!

K :  If you are a good friend, you would pass the phone. Do you not understand english?!

Me : Excuse me! my English is better than yours. and even if i pass the phone, what do you want to do. I will pass if you apologise to her and make it sound sincere but if you don’t, your dead.

NOTE : THIS BITCH WAS TALKING IN A NICE TONE TO ME ALL THE WHILE.

BUT WHEN I PASSED THE PHONE TO MY FRIEND, THIS BITCH DECIDED HE WAS SOME GANGSTER AND GUESS WHAT, HE THREATENED TO BEAT ME UP. HE TOLD ME TO COME DOWN AND SETTLE THINGS WITH HIM. hE SAID HE WANTED TO BEAT ME UP.

OH YOU COWARD. WHY COULDN’T YOU TELL ME IN THE FACE?

MY RESPONSE

MY DAD USED TO BE A POLICE, MY COUSINS ARE POLICE SO YOU DECIDE.

urgh! so angry at this point. he even wanted to beat my friend up as well. my friend then went off home still on the phone with him and she asked if she could pass my number to him. i told her if he wanted to fight on the phone with me, i am not interested. I am not scared but it will get us no where but i told her to give my number. if he wants to come and beat me up, bring it on cause I’ll show you what a muay thai kid can do. I’ll be sure to practice all the moves i learnt.

Here is the thing,

if you want to be treated nicely, you do the same to others.
Karma is a serious bitch and you will get your medicine.

As they say, do good to other if you want the same to happen to you.